short critiques

"the face of the clock was clean
as the numbers bled to the floor
and onto my guilty hands...
I killed time."
-Amy Sarisky, Sayreville War Memorial H.S. Grade 12

I want to kill time too
not like
kill time as in pass the time,
kill as in the numbers
bleed to the floor.

"Como esta usted?
Spanish test--now I'm dead"
-Dan Dougherty, Grade 10

I want to rhyme Spanish words with English words.

"I am snow, yet I am beginning to melt."
last line of "Angela Abstinence" by Carmen Cisco

I have melted, but I would like to turn back into snow.

"I am blue - bold as the night
I am as brave as the open sea
I am blue and I am a beautiful sight"
-Amy Rastiello, Grade 8

I believe alliteration of the letter B is beautiful.

"I could go on and on
with things that rhyme with day
But I won't because
That'll take all day"
-Troy Youhas, Grade 8

I wish I could rhyme day with day in such a clever way.

"If I could do anything
I would not change anything"
-Ivellise Acevedo, Grade 9

Maybe if I couldn't do anything, I would change everything.

"Happiness is a light pink sea shell
That crawls on the bottom of the ocean
And takes the sadness out of you"
-"Happines" by Mike Brown, Grade 6

I wish I wrote like Mike Brown did when I was in 6th grade.

"The Pilgrims Sailed the Seas" by Mia Sapienza

I wonder what Mia Sapienza is up to these days.